According to WHO the suicide rate of males is three times higher than that of females in Kenya.
Who are you?
A tough question maybe.
As a man, who are you? Where do you get your identity from? Are you defined by what you do or what you have? If that is so, what happens when what you have or what you do comes to an end? What happens when what you thought is who you are is stripped away from you? Does that mean you stop existing and fade away? Why is it that the suicide statistics are so high?
Why is the suicide rate in males higher?
How do you make sure that your life is anchored onto an indestructible and constant pillar, such that when the different storms and winds of life beat and blow upon you, you still remain standing? How do you make sure you are prepared for that storm that is coming? How do you prepare? What does even being prepared mean?
So many tough questions, yet the answer is very simple and not so simple at the same time. An oxymoron you might call it.
Back when I was in primary school, I joined the scouts. In secondary school, I also joined the scouts, but my reason then, was, I wanted to go to the different functions and trips the scouts used to go to, and meet girls. “Funkyz” we called them. Hey, I was at the peak of my adolescence and in a boys only boarding school, so…
Anyway, we would constantly recite the scouts motto, “Be prepared!” But I don’t think I really understood the full extent of the meaning of that motto. Well, the truth is, many many years later, I still don’t understand the full extent of the meaning, although I do understand it a little bit better.
Preparation means, the state of being ready, or the actions taken to achieve readiness for an event or situation.
Back in scouts, there were the normal drills that we would do, of which those were the actions that were responsible for preparing us to be disciplined and cultivate in us a sense of order and teamwork. We also had activities such as learning how to tie knots, and camping, which were meant to prepare us and give us survival skills, such that we would know what to do if we ever found ourselves in some tough situations. Say, a Jurassic Park kind of situation.
In the queen’s language, there is a proverb that says, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Suggesting that consistently eating healthy foods will keep your immunity at optimal levels, preparing your body to fight against diseases without the need for medication.
Children go to school to be prepared to be responsible and productive people in society. A student who consistently reads and practices what they learn in school will most likely outperform in the examinations, the one who waits until the last minute to cram everything. So it seems like this preparation thing is everywhere.
I am a university dropout, the surface level reason is, I was busy getting drunk and “having fun” while my peers were preparing to graduate. The deeper reason is, an emotional storm was brewing deep within. The alcohol, drug and porn addiction were coping mechanisms that served as numbing agents to an emotional pain I did not know I had. This in turn led me to build an identity around drinking. Hey, I had to be good at something.
I was known as a guzzler, and I would boast that no one could drink like me. Well, there was some truth to that because, among my peers, no one would drink and blackout like me.
A few years later, I got a job. I was good at it and I knew it. So I became corky and built an identity around being a functional drunkard. Yes, I never called myself an alcoholic.
I managed to quit alcohol after being terminated from work and on the brink of losing my then girlfriend, turned wife.
I went ahead and got a family, and started a business, and this time round I built an identity around being a father, a husband and a businessman. Things were good for a while despite the occasional few challenges here and there.
One day back in 2019, a friend of mine, a very jovial and funny guy, full of life, who we had gone to the same high school and campus with, called me to borrow 300 shillings to buy food. He was his normal, jovial, joking self and I did not suspect anything. I just thought it was a temporary financial fix that he was in, which every person finds themselves in, every once in a while. We had been good drinking buddies back in the day, but since I was no longer drinking, our hangouts had become as rare as dinosaurs. Now this particular day, he made a comment, “Wewe uko poa uliwacha pombe na ukaoa, sisi wacha tuendelee kukunywa.” Meaning, “You are better off because you stopped drinking and got a wife, as for me, let me continue drinking.” Maybe this was a cry for help which I missed, since a few days later, I got a call that he had hanged himself.This was a young man with a very bright future, dealing with some mental health issues and had had enough and crumbled under the pressure. Rest in eternal peace friend.
A few months later, the emotional storm that had been brewing inside of me for years was triggered and blew out when I went through separation, and suffered what I saw as failure in business, at the peak of covid 19. My three identities had been stripped off, and I did not know who I was.
“Aah! Alcohol! Buddy! I missed you!” I thought, as I was seated in my car which was on loan, locked out of my house due to rent arrears. My drinking spree lasted a few months and fortunately I quit again, but found a replacement. Weed. “My new friend”, I thought.
Depression had kicked in, and at some point I contemplated a similar fate as my high school and campus friend.
How come no one prepared me to handle this storm? How come everyone else is doing better than me? Where did it all go wrong? Why me? These were some of the questions running through my head. I had no answer. I had reached my breaking point and crossed over. Well at least I had my friend, weed, to keep me company.
It was during this rock bottom moment, when it clicked, God is LOVE, Jesus is the way The TRUTH and the Life. And for those who believe you shall know the TRUTH and the TRUTH shall set you free. It was like a lightbulb moment.
“Woohoo!, you found Jesus, or vice versa, good for you!” some might think. But it goes deeper than that. So let us unpack it. If God is Love and Jesus is the true way to life, then if you believe, follow and live out the way of TRUTH that Jesus Christ modelled, you will be set free.
For the longest time ever, I had called myself a christian, but failed to practice the most basic of christian principles, forgiveness. And that right there, was an inconsistency, among others. My belief and my behaviour were in contradiction with each other. It is called cognitive dissonance. My mind did not know how to process that, and it had instead resorted to looking for coping mechanisms and destructions to serve as numbing agents for the inconsistencies. Before long I had found myself deep in addiction. Anyway, I let go of that weight of unforgiveness and I was delivered from my addictionS, with capital ‘S’
Human beings are created in the image and likeness of God. Meaning that we were created in the image and likeness of Love, since God is Love. We are supposed to live out that truth of loving one another. But when we go against that, there are a whole lot of problems that arise.
1 Cor 13:4-8 gives us a description of Love. In verse 5 it says that Love does not keep a record of wrongs. If we go ahead and keep a record of wrongs, an inconsistency happens. A bug occurs in this beautiful system of Love that God created. It becomes a poison that eats us up from the inside out.
1 Cor 13:4-8
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!
So how do we make sure that no inconsistencies/bugs occur, or at least we minimize them? We prepare. And how do we prepare? We go to the manual that was given to us by the creator of the system. We read, meditate and live out the word of God, which is Jesus Christ. Like many other forms of preparation, it may seem like a slow process, and it may not make sense at the moment. Little children in scouts do not understand why they are taught how to tie knots. They don’t understand why they have to do all those drills. They don’t understand why they go camping. To them, these are just fun or boring activities. But if and when that Jurassic Park situation arises, even if they are much older, the skills they learnt kick in like instinct, and they are able to survive. Similarly, we might not understand why we have to read and live out the word of truth. But the truth of the matter is, we are preparing. Instead of looking at that church leader and how he is struggling with his preparation, and forming your own conclusions that christianity is a scam from that, focus on your own preparation. So that when life throws that storm and wind at you and it beats and blows on you, it will leave you standing because you are prepared and have been set on a firm foundation.
So who am I? Where do I get my identity from? Maybe the one who created me is the one who has the answer.
If I am created in God’s image and likeness, and If God is “I Am” and God is “Love” then I Am Love. And I should make sure that I live in Love and I live out the truth of Love.
My mental health is dependent on me living out my true identity of Love. I am Love.
Be Prepared!✌🏾
Bible References:
Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first. If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.
Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.
Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!
“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one. “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
God replied to Moses, “I Am Who I Am. Say this to the people of Israel: I Am has sent me to you.”pe